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This is a completely different kind of post for me. Most of my posts so far have been about being a step-mama and all the things that go along with that. However, I am also a biological mama of two kids. So helping them navigate through this blending our families is part of my life as well, and today I am going to write about some of those challenges.
This past week was a bit difficult for our 8 year old (my biological daughter) and it was heartbreaking to see her work through some of these feelings.
I’ll set the stage for you…
About a month ago we got a flyer home from school about the upcoming Valentine’s Daddy Daughter Dance. I actually misread the flyer and thought it was the weekend before, meaning it would be on her father’s weekend. She and I actually had a little conversation about it in the car…she was concerned about which “daddy” to go with and I told her, since it was her dad’s weekend she should go with him. In the future if it falls on a weekend she is with us she could go with her step-daddy. Makes perfect sense right…
Well as it turns out the it did fall on our weekend. Her little heart was so emotional about what to do and how to not hurt her step-daddy in the process. We assured her that it was still 100% ok that she went with her dad; it was obvious that it wasn’t that easy of a choice/decision for her. There were a couple of days the week leading up to the dance that she didn’t even want to talk about it, her dress, her hair, any of it. And as a mother I was honestly at a loss, I felt so helpless because I couldn’t put her heart at ease. She just had to feel the feels…and we had to just love her through it reminding her that it was ok and that we loved her so much. We told her how blessed she was that she had two very special daddies that loved her to the moon and back. We told her that just because she was going with her dad, her stepdaddy knew it did not mean that she didn’t love him.
What I was thinking about at the time…
Im sure you have seen this article about a Daddy Daughter Dance that has gotten so much attention; originally posted on Facebook. Well I couldn’t help but think of these two men while I was trying to help my daughter get through this. And how they are blending their families and somehow managed to keep the focus on their daughter and not themselves.
It is truly a wonderful story of love for your children above yourself. Now, I cannot in any lifetime image my husband and my ex-husband ever being friends much less “brothers” as these two men refer to themselves. What does speak to me is what he said about love for your children above yourself. “When we care more about our children (on both sides of the party) than the way society has taught us to be towards (ex’s/baby mommas/daddy’s) then walls will fall. Life will be free of hatred and remorse, and our children will conquer the foolish “norms” that media has shoved in our faces.”
A-Freaking-MEN! Let me say it again… “When we care more about our children” than any of the drama and the bull that we as adults hold on to our children will be stronger and more empowered, healthier and happier!
I hope that some day we…meaning this Beautifully Blended family of Eight, we have a life that has a lot more love and a lot less hate. Well hate is a very strong word…a more fitting word for us would be resentment/anger/bitterness. And yes that’s 3 words but you get my point.
Find Your Community
There is a vast community of amazing step-mamas out there blending their families; we are an amazing and special group. We can learn from not only my story but also all of the love and support that’s out there. I’m just so blessed to be a part of it and have you all in my life.
This is our youngest daughter the night of our wedding. If you look closely in the background you can see me and my father dancing!
This is my husband and our youngest daughter the night of the Daddy Daughter Dance, just before her dad picked her up. They actually danced in the living room right before this picture.
Just My Opinion:
The above statements are just my opinion based off my personal experience. I am not trained as a counselor or advisor in any way.